In many ways, this is a follow-up post to Finding Profound Wisdom in Fiction. If you haven’t read that one yet, you really should as you probably won’t understand some of the basic ideas here otherwise.
Note that this post really is discussing things I thought about and internalized approximately a decade and a half ago.
Years Later …
A couple of years after I read (and learned about) the concept of “Choose Again” (read the linked post above to really start to grok that one), I was having a bit of an … identity crisis. Not sure that’s the best way to describe it, but it’s the first one that came to mind, so I’ll go with that.
At the time, in some ways, my life was ever so slightly falling apart. I was about to turn thirty-nine … my marriage was well on the way to falling apart and my social circle was largely non-existent. [It still is, but that’s not something I really want to get into and is also not the point of this post. I’m going for a bit more of a philosophical bent here.]
Using the Concept
So, I now had a new foundational core idea – that of “Choose Again” – making sure I continued to feel I had made the right (or at least “best”) choices; and, if not, then choosing to alter them.
As an overall nerd and massive introvert, though, that didn’t really help much, and I needed to come up with something else to pair it with – something which would be better at allowing me to have some idea of what I was aiming for as a “good” situation.
To this day, I have no idea how I came up with this one, but as soon as it finally formed in my head, not only was I sure I had the right answer (for me), but I was also comfortable with it and felt comfortable in trying to “make it a part of me”.
Cut to the Chase! Sheesh!
I came up with a second self-declaration – to pair with the first one.
Be the person you want other people to think you are.
I thought about that one for a while, and it’s subtle, but it’s also generally not self-destructive.
One thing I was careful to avoid was the idea of being who other people did think I was. I didn’t want to let others’ ideas and concepts “take over” for who I was. That wasn’t the point. After all – I’m still “me” and I wouldn’t want to be someone else just to try and please someone else’s criticisms or whatever – unless, of course, I felt they were valid and important, etc.
But, in this case, it’s about thinking of just how I want others to see me, and then doing my best to be that person.
Um… An Example, Please?
Look at it this way – if, for example, I at some sort of social event, with a decent (read: “large”) group of people … I can’t exactly hide in a corner and expect everyone to come over and try and drag me out because obviously I want people to come over and talk with me! No, no – in that sort of situation, I need to at least be approachable if not actually break through my own shell to reach out to others.
Is this difficult to do? Absolutely! The first time, it is downright terrifying. Rejection Complex is a real thing. And it can be petrifying.
But, once you get past that first (internal) obstacle … it’s able to be overcome. Especially once I was able to really internalize both of what I now think of as being my personal “Mantra”s.
Living This Way
Now, I’m not saying this is something I actively “use” every day. Indeed, due to other circumstances, in many ways, I’m significantly more hermit-like and secluded (almost to the point of being a hikikomori). However, whenever I am out and among others, I do try to hang onto those two concepts … and they allow me to be me more willing to open conversations with random strangers.
If they reject me and don’t want to talk? So what! Their loss and I at least did my best to be the person I’d want to be seen as – being someone who is able to start a conversation.
